26 Apr “My Life so Far” part 4: The Educational System and Other Challenges
“My Life so Far” part 4:
The Educational System and Other Challenges
My interaction with school was not a joyful one.
Every September, at the beginning of the courses,
I would genuinely look forward to it with the excitement to meet old and new classmates and share ideas and creativity.
But then after just a few days I would inevitably realize how dysfunctional and unnatural the entire process was. The days in it were not stimulating at all, filled with useless informational data which was taught in a fear base module and not supporting any of my natural predispositions and tendencies (and on any other child in the class) but actually pushing me to the opposite direction into a flat and passive accumulation of data system.
This I believe was the experience for all the children around me. However it seems that most of them would rapidly line up with the programming, adapt to the curriculums and fall entirely in the fear base and separative methods of the teachings.
For me was impossible to reach such state of disconnection and forgetfulness. I simply could not apply the information of a program that was attempting to make everybody the same with no consideration at all for the natural gifts and tendency of each child present in the classroom.
Inevitably I started soon to appear as a strange boy, undisciplined, with his mind on the clouds, incapable to focus, introverted and with a strange vibe and look in his eyes that would often embarrass the collective. My grades in school were very low and often I had to repeat grades.
The severe approach of the teachers interrogations and their punishment with bad grades, the feeling of being not good enough in front of family, friends and institutions, and the worrisome mother upset by her first child failing at school negatively effected my overall experience as a child and an adolescent.
However in the instant in which I would listen to or play music all that scenario would instantly transform. It would become filled with love and compassion. The melodies, that would come through while playing a few notes on whatever instrument I had access to at that moment, would instantly transform the fears and sorrows into a sublime state of love and oneness. In my imaginative world the faces of the teachers, classmates, parents, friends, would all light up with unconditional love.
I would see them all hugging each other, with a deep smile, being playful. I would often slowly fall asleep at night with such image and tears of love feelings in my eyes.
I would repeatedly had such experience over and over again since my very first day of school when I was 4 years old all the way through my last day of school when I was about 18.
While in my earliest interaction with music, between 3 and 5 years old I was attempting to share the world that would unfold within my heart when I was playing the musical notes, later I stopped doing so as I realize that no one seemed to be able to connect with such energy field.
Music then became simply my way to keep connecting with my imaginative world, and with that feeling that we are all love, that we are all one which somehow helped me to remain connected and to copy with the harshness of the experiences I was having in my physicality.
Only much later in my late twenties and early thirties I started to feel an inner pull and desire to expose and share the energy field that was created in my interaction with music.
In those first 20 something years of my life I kept creating melodies after melodies. At first I would hold them within my heart by memorizing them. But then it became more and more difficult to do so. This is because the process of creating music was very fast and completed usually in a few seconds. And since my mind was not involved in it, as soon as the melody was birthed it would go back to the unseen world without living any trace in my memory. Therefore soon I learned to always have a tape recorder next to me while “disappearing” in the music.
As a result of such habits by the time I reached my 20is I ended up having hundreds of tapes filled with original melodies everywhere in my room.