26 Apr My Life so Far: 2 – My perception of the World and Music
“My Life so Far” part 2
My perception of the World and Music
It soon was clear that I was a particularly sensitive child. I could feel and sense a world that I later realize most of the people in my surrounding could not or did not want to perceive.
The entire physical experience was filled with experiences that would take my breath away. The rain, the wind, the different layers of light through out the day, the smells, the sounds, everything was a delightful surprise. I often had tears of joy from the profound love and sense of oneness that those experiences would make me feel.
However, as I was progressing through the path, I would realize that there was a degree of separation among all of us and also a general fear of being truly ourself, happy and free. Of course in the early times of my life I would have not been able to explain such feeling in this way, however the awareness of such situation was there.
The entire system, school, family, friends, even that place were God was suppose to be, the church, seem to be sponsoring the ideas of separation, guilt, and harshness, pulling away from what was natural and joyful into what was felt at the very least unpleasant and unnatural.
I almost immediately learned to make use of my imagination and of my deep desire to create in order to somehow transform the energies of what appeared to be a castrating world around me.
At first I would spend time creating magical imaginative worlds out of anything was available in that moment, it could have been a wall paper with colorful geometrical forms, or ants walking on the balcony, or flowers moved by the gentle breeze of the wind or water drops from the rainy sky. Everything would immediately trigger the creation of fantastic worlds of wonder and imaginative characters.
Then later when I reached 4-5 years of age I started being creative in many other ways, drawing being one of them. But there was one thing that I would find absolutely irresistible since the earliest days I could recall: the sound of Music. When I would hear music I would enter an overwhelming state of love for everything that existed. It did not matter if the present characters and situations were positive or negative, joyful or painful, they would instantly turn into love and oneness when music was playing.
Music became for me the way to dissipate all the illusionary separative experiences. When it was there every thing and every one would become an ocean of pure unconditional love.
I experienced this over and over through out my childhood and adolescent times and it is an experience I still feel at the present day.